I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
