$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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