I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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