It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize