he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
