Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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