During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize