Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
