used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
