is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
