I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
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