tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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