If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
