Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
