just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
