The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
