Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
