they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
