the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
