Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
