i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
