some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
