I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
