Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Bring me that man meat
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
