She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
