Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
