there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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