What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
