You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
