Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
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