can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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