It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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