let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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