I think I won the penis lottery.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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