Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I cockslap morals
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize