barbara walters just said penis...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
