guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
