I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
