barbara walters just said penis...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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