did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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