is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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