I can tuck mytits in my pants
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
