Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
