i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
