tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
