yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I need water and some morals
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
