this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize