This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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