Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize