She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
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