when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
