new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize