he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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