Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
