8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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