I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
