i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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