Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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