I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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