I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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