I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
