the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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