Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
