Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
