You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
