the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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