What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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