i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
