dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
