I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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