I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
ugly people sure do ruin things
zippers are such a cool invention
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
