I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
