so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I need a beard to bite.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
