bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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