Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
