My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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