I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
