go do what you do best...puke behind churches
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
