I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
