Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
