What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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