Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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