I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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