PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
