I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
