How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
