Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize