When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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