Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
