That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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