she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
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