I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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