the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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