he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
