we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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