Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
