You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
