We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize