Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
