my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
